I really hope that no one thinks that my decision to quit the team was easy. I cried and over thought the decision for months. Leaving your new best friends is never easy.
I didn’t leave for the other league! Actually, I’ve made no plans to join the new league in town, but I am going to meet them to keep my options open.
Even though I left I feel like I’ve been dumped.
Packing up my gear with watery eyes.
I have been back on the track for a few weeks and I am better. I am learning to take my misplaced aggression from work and use it on the track. Every time I leave practice I let out a big breath and realized how much it helped. I really wish I also felt this way about working out. I am more stable on my skates but there are some things that I am still lacking the confidence to complete. Since I am still in physical therapy for my knee, I have been skipping the practices that are heavy cardio. I always feel like I am pounding just a bit more than the Wed. and Thurs. practices. I have been making up this skate time with the Wreck Night skaters. It is an easier way for me to get some track time in with very little pressure. I love skating on Wednesday, I call it skills night. We usually spend an hour working on drill and scenarios that should improve our team work. Thursdays, there is a pace line and hitting drill then we scrimmage for about an hour and a half. To me its one of the best nights of the week. I will not be too excited to return to Mondays when I am the slowest on the track. I told myself that I was going to work on cardio at home but I still haven’t figured out an easy way to fit it in my schedule.
I bought a workout game for the xBox kinect, I should be able to fit in twenty minutes here or there to get it all done. The end result will be me in shape. I am glad to be back on eight wheels.
Being back is great! I am coming to accept that I am slower that some of my counterparts and that I may not bout until next year. Its just hard when co-workers and friends ask me when I will be skating and I have to explain that I am not ready yet and there are fifty other girls better than me.
I currently in physical therapy. The staff members are understanding and seem very knowledgeable. I hope this helps with my various joint issues.
My gear is in need of some TLC. I am talking about functionality and not beautification.
- Wipe off wheels
- Reapply tape
I only managed to get one of the many things I needed to do off of my list.
I have an issue with my current schedule and it is killing me, or could kill me. Here is my schedule….
- 5:30 Wakeup
- 6:15 Leave for work
- 7:00 Work call
- 3:30 Quitting time
- 4:15 Get home, feed animals, and other domestic shit
- 7:00 Leave for practice
- 8:00 Practice
- 10:10 Leave practice
- 10:30-:45 Get home, unpack smelly gear, and shower
- 11:15 In bed, move dog, stare at ceiling for about 30 mins, sleep,
This hectic schedule leaves me absolutely exhausted!! The sleep deprivation is causing me to fall asleep during my morning and afternoon commutes, in addition to putting me in a generally bitchy mood. I am not sure what to do, I need my job and I really enjoy skating. I used to read and occasionally watch television. I have had to give up most of my other hobbies or move them to the weekend. This is why I am having trouble keeping up with my three blogs. I am in need of a solution.
Back from the doctor. I have been cleared to resume normal activity. Prescribed physical therapy for ITB syndrome and the other injury was cleared up with the cortisone shot. My knee is wobbly from wearing a brace for a month. So it should take me a month the get things sorted out.
Now its time to play catch up!!! I am not going to practice tonight, giving myself the rest of the weekend.
I was having a hard time adjusting to the roller girl life and determined that I needed a small break. I took a week off (I should have still worked out, but I didn’t). The day I went back I felt like a million bucks, I was genuinely glad to be there. If you need a mental health day, take one or two. Had a decent practice where I was the last one during every drill. I am still pretty slow. I also had to deal with rumors that I had quit. This is a brutal sport, physically and mentally. I am still here people.
On scrimmage night I was designated jammer for the all stars. I had the best night ever. I wish this was what everyone saw during the fresh meat scrimmage instead of the horse on skates that I pretended to be. I scored on almost every jam! I managed to run on my skates and juke out some pretty awesome blockers. This did wonders for my ego. I hope to have many more nights like it. I signed up for the next roster. Keeping my fingers crossed.
There was one moment that I didn’t like. During one of the last jams, the other jammer got hit pretty hard and didn’t get up right away. I freaked out, stopped skating, and was promptly yelled at by my teammates. They thought I stopped for the buzzer and that wasn’t the case. Trying to explain to them that I thought she was hurt, was useless. I understand it was a scrimmage and she was on the other team but THIS IS PRACTICE and she is my friend. Now that I think about it, I am not sure if I could just let a member of another team just lay there. I know I should skate until the whistle, I just can’t guarantee that it will happen.
I am going to take a break for a while. I am not sure how long.
I have been hiding for a few weeks. I have MDD and there are some emotional waves even the pills can’t stop. I decided to play roller derby because I wanted to be strong and bad ass like the women I saw on the track instead of pretending to be.
When I made the team, I was really surprised. I am clumsy and awkward on my skates. I began by skating when ever I could without totally ignoring my husband. That was 4-5 times a week. It was hard, it is hard. At every practice someone would say “You are so much better than boot camp.” I was confused, does that mean “Nice job you can go in the right direction!” or “Come skate with the big girls.” I realize now that it is somewhere in the middle. There was a moment where I was just going to stop going to practice, I was done feeling like the cute kid on skates that everyone keeps around because she is fun to watch. I wanted to be a contender. After speaking with the head of the training committee, I understand that roller derby can make you feel like a superhero one minute and the fifth wheel the next.
At the last Thursday practice, I skated so hard that I puked and I scored 10 points in a jam. I felt amazing. I skated better that night than I did in the Fresh Meat Scrimmage (at least that is what I thought). I hoped that I would make the initial roster for the next bout. I didn’t and I feel like I am killing myself all so I can set up the track for the real skaters. I cried for an hour. I tried to be happy for my friends that did make the roster and I cried some more. I am happy for them but I am more sad about me not making it. I only have four more chances this year.
When we decide to lace up our skates no one tells us how hard this will all be on us emotionally.